Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew: Updated and Expanded Edition
Ellen’s personal experiences as a parent of children with autism and ADHD, a celebrated autism author, and a contributor to numerous publications, classrooms, conferences, and websites around the world coalesce to create a guide for all who come in contact with a child on the autism spectrum. This updated edition delves into expanded thought and deeper discussion of communication issues, social processing skills, and the critical roles adult perspectives play in guiding the child with autism to a meaningful, self-sufficient, productive life.
A bonus section includes ten more essential, thought-provoking "things" to share with young people on the spectrum as they cross the threshold of adulthood, and an appendix of more than seventy questions suitable for group discussion or self-reflection. This new edition sounds an even more resonant call to action, carrying the reader farther into understanding the needs and the potential of every child with autism.
Reviews (165)
"The greatest tragedy that can befall a child with autism is to be surrounded by adults who think it’s a tragedy"
A great resource for a parent wading into the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) world. The books touches on basics that we unwillingly omit, and puts you into the perspective of a child with ASD. It breaks down misconceptions and stereotypes of what it means to live with autism, and everything that entails for the parents and families involved, but even more importantly the child living with it. The book revolves heavily on the authors own experience with her son, and what she and her family have done, who they’ve talked to, and what they’ve learned to convey the main points of the book. Although it does rely on studies when it needs to, the book is more of a showcase of the love and the care that they took to provide their son the best opportunities for him, and the fight that went along those opportunities. The book is broken down into 10 concepts: 1. I am a whole child 2. My senses are out of sync 3. Distinguish between won’t and can’t 4. I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally 5. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate 6. Picture this! I am visually oriented 7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do 8. Help me with social interactions 9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns 10. Love me unconditionally It then goes onto give an update on how her son has normalize most of the aspects on his life, as well as all of their support and love supporting his own path as he figures out life, and the in and outs of adulthood. My greatest takeaway from this book, aside from understanding how I should behave and react to my child based on a new perspective knowing what I know now, is this; Your view and your outlook for your child will determine how your child blossoms. To quote the author: As Marcus Aurelius observed “Your life is what your thoughts make of it”. For the child with autism, we must extend that: “your child’s life is what your thoughts make of it. More than any treatment, diet, or therapy, the perspectives from which we view a child’s autism have the greatest impact on whether he will learn to grow, thrive, and be a happy person. I will definitively be recommending this book to whomever has a child living with autism in their life. The most powerful line from the book: “Autism is a tragedy for families only if they allow it to be. The greatest tragedy that can befall a child with autism is to be surrounded by adults who think it’s a tragedy”
Changed My Outlook and Helped Me Heal
I feel this is an excellent primer for those new to autism, especially those who are still struggling to understand if the behavior they see is identifiable. Our 5-year old son has recently been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, and I bought this book not only for myself, but for his grandparents. His grandmother read the book before coming to stay with my husband for a week while I was out of town, and it helped her immensely. It helps to give you a sense of empathy rather than just frustration when your child acts they way they do; consequently changing how you react to it (I'm much better able to be patient now that I understand that he is struggling to work his way through situations just as hard as I am). While I learned a significant amount of important basics, just as important is that I walked away with a sense of hope, which was incredibly healing for me as I emotionally wrestled with my feelings after the diagnosis. The author shares her experience with her own son, the highs and the lows; and later editions have epilogues in the back with updates on her child who is now a functional, happy, independent adult. While this does not mean that every child will turn out as well-adjusted, at least you feel as though it might actually be possible, instead of being consumed with nightmare scenarios of them as an adult. Another important component in the book is her careful analysis of the language we use to describe people with autism and how much damage it can (and does) do - not only to the psyche of the adult, but also the child, and the world at large (this is such a stigmatized condition, which was part of my struggle when I heard the news - I thought I knew what autism was. I did not). Phrases such as "suffer from autism" for example, are unhelpful and give the wrong impression about a child's daily existence. As another reviewer (who has autism) touches on, even high profile, helpful advocate organizations such as Autism Speaks infer that there is something "lesser-than" about those with autism, by referring to "finding the missing piece of the puzzle" (which is also illustrated in their logo). From this book I realized my son is not missing any pieces, he is just a more complicated puzzle to fit together (and all children are puzzles in their own way, really). While it is true, as several other reviewers have mentioned, there are not many specific strategies other than making you aware of what's going on in an autistic child's brain and how they perceive the world, I don't think this book is meant for that. It is a personalized viewpoint from a mother who has worked her way through this with her own child, and the things she learned that can apply to your child (and you) as well. *Specific* strategies come from therapy, as every child is different, and will need slightly different guidance and help. There's no "one-size-fits-all" remedy (although if you are looking for some basic strategies as well as ideas for how to help your child on an on-going, daily basis, I am finding "1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Asperger's and Autism" to be helpful). This book literally changed my way of thinking about the future and about my son, and as a mom staring down a new, uncertain, long and winding road, I am very, very grateful.
Good resource
I am using this book for both personal and professional reasons. If you are a parent of an autistic child many of these things you have discovered already. That being said, if you have just received a diagnosis or are not familiar with autism this is a great book to read. It is written in Plain English . The book is organized so that one gets a brief overview of the ten things and then the chapters that follow are more in depth. I like this because it makes for easy reference. I also like the fact that it points out that no one should stereotype anyone. My sons autism is not who he is just one aspect of him. I introduce him as my son NOT my autistic son. This is a great text for educating your family members as well as those outsiders that are ignorant . I actually had an ignorant man ask me what is he? I replied a human being with special super powers.
Teacher-Reading REQUIREMENT for any Teacher that has to interact with kids on the Autism Spectrum
AWESOME insight! Give a copy to anyone that has a child on the Autism Spectrum, as well as to anyone that has to work with your child on the Autism Spectrum. This book will help them better understand what your child can't directly communicate and help break down some of the misinterpreted behaviors that people label as "defiant". Wish I had handed every teacher, school administrator, and camp counselor a copy (if only they would have read this book, my child could have had a very different/real childhood instead of being labeled one negative adjective after another). Sadly, in high school NONE of his teachers nor school administrators really understood them and they ended up just pushing him out of school ... without an appropriate education, nor a way to achieve a high school diploma. Schools, teachers, and camp counselors need to be better informed about kids on the Autism Spectrum. My child suffered through 14 years of school at 20 different schools in 2 states (constantly being shuffled and thrown out of schools because no one could figure out how to work WITH HIM) ... only not to graduate. The toll his education has taken on his self-esteem (and my sanity) is INSANE and dehumanizing! To think this book could have helped all these "educated professionals" find a path to working with him (or at least better understanding him and stop misreading him and adding their negative labels to his atypical reactions to their demands) ... he might have been able to have 1 successful year somewhere if everyone that had to work with him had taken the time to read this book. I sincerely hope school systems adopt this book as a Teacher-Reading REQUIREMENT for any Teacher that has to interact with kids on the Autism Spectrum. The first 10 pages should be laminated and posted in EVERY SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR'S OFFICE too! Principals and Vice-Principals need to be able to recognize these challenges when they encounter kids being constantly thrown out of class daily. Sometimes it's not the kids at fault - but the Teachers who fail to recognize a child's social/emotional challenges and limitations. How my son was treated at some schools should be a crime. All my son ended up learning was that he didn't fit in at school - EVER ... and nobody understood him or liked him. I have no doubt this book could have helped break down a lot of misconceptions.
The best book you'll ever read about autism
This was a life-changing book for me. I feel it is a MUST read. My eldest granddaughter, 13, is a child with autism. I understand her infinitely better now. This doesn't just teach you about autism, it's a manual for life with a child with autism. At times, I had to set the book aside for a moment, to pause and regret the things I've done wrong over the years. But I am reassured that I've done one thing right, which is to love her unconditionally. When I finished reading it, I passed it on to my son, her father. I haven't gotten any feedback from him yet.
A must have for any parent with a child on the (ASD) spectrum
WOW...this book has been so enlightening. My son is 6 and on the spectrum. He was dx'd when he was 3 and began intense ABA therapy for the past 3 years as well as speech and OT. He is 6 and cannot tie his shoes or ride a bike or even clean himself properly after using the bathroom, but his ABA therapy has given him the social skills to be in a mainstream environment and it's great!
Buy the last one for better info and help
Buy the first edition. I bought this one by mistake and wish I could get a refund. The preface made me vomit. Chapter 1 had NOTHING I was excited to learn about from the last book's preview, and was just piles of sugary and gooey dialogue instead to emphasize how incredibly enlightened and kind the author is. She pretends like she doesn't even understand what the words "normal" or "neurotypical" means because they're so incredibly offensive it's below her wave length, and makes it seem like a neurological disorder is totally great.
I bought this book to help me better understand children living with autism
I work for the school district as a Paraeducator. I bought this book to help me better understand children living with autism. A quote I read somewhere says "If you've ever met a child with autism, you've only met one" and this book helps explain why. Each child looks at things differently, and if I can help educate myself perhaps I can make a difference in their life. Needless to say, I strongly recommend this book.
I particularly loved the chapters on understanding meltdowns and "can't" vs
I particularly loved the chapters on understanding meltdowns and "can't" vs. "won't" as behavioral causes and got this book from the library for my mother (ASD son's grandma) to read. She then ordered her own copy. I think this book has helped him gain another ally. It requires some faith to use these techniques, and I don't know that I would use them exclusively, but it's an excellent Autism 101, especially good to suggest to family/friends/teachers who don't live with it 24-7.
This offers excellent and practical information from a parent who has "walked ...
This offers excellent and practical information from a parent who has "walked the walk." From the child's perspective, rather than super-clinical. It sheds light on ways to interact to make the most of time with the child, to positively influence time together. The smallest suggestions make the biggest difference, which in-turn encourages parents and grandparents who want to be the best they can be for the child. I very much appreciate this book.
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